Self-care...what does that even mean?  When I ask the women in my world about self-care I often get a steady stare which is followed by either the question, "What do you mean?" or the answer, "None, no self-care at all."  The idea of self-care makes us squirmy, because we often connect it with selfishness or frivolousness.  We make up judgments like, "How in the world do you expect me to stop what I'm doing...can't you see that I have ALL of THIS to take care of?"

Yes, I see ALL that you are holding.  You are running the ship, tending to the emotions of your household, making ends meet, and being there for everyone.  I get it.  However, when self-care is low our energy suffers, our attitude becomes negative, and we can't show up to our projects or relationships with clarity.  Taking a moment to nurture yourself sets you up to be in the best alignment for yourself, your relationships, and your work.

When I ask you to picture a self-care activity, what comes up for you?  Many of you might picture a passive activity like a warm bubble bath, a massage, or savoring a treat of some kind.  Taking time to receive is absolutely an act of self-care.

However, self-care is also active.  As you move through your life, my guess is that your brain rotates through a list of ideas, to-dos, and tasks that all seem pressing.  Each of these things seem important, but we only have so many hours in a day and we can't get to them all.

In The ONE Thing by Gary Keller, he writes, "When each day begins, we each have a choice.  We can ask, 'What shall I do?' or 'What should I do?'  Without direction, without purpose, whatever you 'shall do' will always get you somewhere.  But when you're going somewhere on purpose, there will always be something you 'should do' that will get you where you must go.  When your life is on purpose, living by priority takes precedence."

What takes priority in your life?  When we get really clear about this question, just a small number of things seem vital.  Our health, our financial stability, our relationships (to name a few).  The active part of self-care brings our priorities front and center so that we can act on them in order to better care for ourselves.  This might mean creating a monthly financial budget, meal prepping on weekends, scheduling your annual physical, or making an appointment for yourself.

These self-care activities aren't necessarily fun and sometimes they're hard.  The acts themselves are literally a way of looking after ourselves so that we're safe, healthy, and nurtured.  Only you know where you want to go and what your priorities are.  You get to choose your next step with the deepest care of yourself in mind.  You run the show.  You're incredibly important.  

                                                                                                                                                                    - JPB

©2023 Jennifer Padilla-Burger, LMFT.  All rights reserved.
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Say, "No", right now to yourself.  Let it roll off your tongue and through your lips.  No, no, nopedy, nope, no, no, no.  This one word will be your sacred guide back to the life you want to lead.

We all have a calling in this life.  When we are quiet enough we can feel the pull towards a life that's filled with love, joy, and purpose.  Saying "no" allows us to open up space to live for this purpose.  This "no" makes room for choosing "yes" to the things that truly matter to us.  Things like family, creativity, and rest.

When you close your eyes, listen to the value that you would choose to inspire every aspect of your life.  Many of us conjure up words like love, kindness, generosity, and service.  However, we cannot be in full dedication to any of these values when we are chasing around approval. 

Shauna Niequist writes, "But the sweet rush of approval, the pat on the head, can often derail us from real love, and real purpose.  Time always helps me make these decisions, because if I'm rushed, I always say yes.  When I have time, I can instead say to myself:  Go back to being loved; go back to your purpose.  This thing I am being asked to do will not get me more love.  And this will not help me meet my purpose."

At our core, I believe that we all know this message to be true yet the fear of letting others down can keep us stuck in this pleasing pattern.  Stretching and reaching to do everything for everyone often plops us back home with rolling eyes and utter fatigue.  This is not the legacy we want to leave. 

Dr. Brené Brown writes, "Boundaries are hard when you want to be liked and when you are a pleaser hell-bent on being easy, fun, and flexible.  Compassionate people ask for what they need.  They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it.  They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment."

This is your life.  What do you want it to be about?  Look at your planner and visualize the week ahead.  Cross out the items that are unnecessary noise.  Contact the people that you need to and tell them that you've changed your mind.  The world will not collapse.  

You, brave soul, are returning home to yourself.  You are deciding what you want your life to be about.  Yes to your purpose, your values, your people.  Yes to freedom, love, and intention.  Yes to you.

                                                                                                                                                                    - JPB

©2023 Jennifer Padilla-Burger, LMFT.  All rights reserved.